If I see another slick-haired young white chick tossing her tresses in an impossibly antiseptic environment in front of her male model boyfriend, I think I will scream.
But not if I get ad rage first from another one of those "same old, same old" car ads which feature the vehicle (left-hand drive, of course) gliding through the antiseptic streets (on the right-hand side, of course) of a chrome-and-glass European- type metropolis. Or churning up the dust in the same desert setting (more of that later).
So it's nice to see some good, old-fashioned (and by that I mean simple and effective as opposed to trendy and useless) advertising being done locally. That's what you'd expect from Toyota and its agency, FCB Joburg, which have been together for more than 40 years.
What I like about the new ad for Toyota's Corolla is its honest marketing insights. Most cars are sold on sexiness, speed, handling - and above-mentioned clichèd locations. But not everybody buys a car for those reasons.
Families, especially, buy cars for a long-term relationship because they, sitting in the garage, become just as much a part of the family as the kids and the dog.
And, there are few other cars on the market that have that happy air of trustworthiness that the Corolla has deep in its DNA. So, how to make it fun, showcase its array of features - and appeal to families?
FCB did it by crafting a scene that looks like it came straight out of one of those clichèd car ads: flashing lighting, long, loving shots focusing on the dashboard, an excited commentator extolling its virtues.
Then the lights come up further and we see the setting is the family garage and Dad, the producer-director (armed with lights and camera) has been making his own Corolla ad.
Mom, who turned on the lights to startle the would-be Oscar winners, gets a silly grin from them all, including the cutest toddler in a harness over Dad's shoulders. Boys will be boys!
It's fun. The actors are great and the wannabe TV ad captures the features of the Corolla that are most likely to attract attention.
It's a WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) ad - just like the car itself. Honest, and because of that, attractive. It also shows us a realistic and appealing picture of a nice, stable family - just the Corolla target market sort.
Good marketing, so Orchids to Toyota and FCB Joburg.
Another ad set in that clichéd desert setting which is not that successful is that for Hyundai's new Veloster Turbo. It also appears - from the left-hand-drive car used - to be an import from overseas.
To show how fast the new car is with its new turbo engine, it is ready to race a cheetah - well known as the fastest four-legged animal. The only problem is that the race doesn't happen - perhaps the cheetah chickens out, knowing it's going to be beaten (you wish, actually) - but that's not clear.
What is clear is that the feline tears after a man who has been helping to set up the race. We don't know what happens.
And, really, do we care? To those of us who live in Africa and understand a bit about wildlife, we know that the cheetah won't bring down the man. He's too big. But I was left with the impression that the cheetah chased the man because he was more interesting than the Veloster Turbo.
Given that this car is aimed at enthusiasts (it now has more power than its anaemic, non-turbo predecessor), the use of a cheetah in this way is not likely to convince them.
So it gets an Onion from me.
And by the way, people, Subaru first used a cheetah in a TV ad - a decade ago (and much more successfully, too).
While we're on the subject of unrealistic, there is an occasional TV ad for Christopher Medical Consulting, which sounds like a law firm that chases up medical malpractice.
And, boy, do we need that type of firm, given the sometimes horrible stories we hear from our medical sector.
However, as the ad talks about bedsores (caused because immobile patients are not turned frequently enough in bed), it shows a luxurious private room in a private hospital.
The patient is also using a laptop. I would like to venture that the chances of a sophisticated patient (no doubt with an equally sophisticated set of friends and relatives) ending up with bedsores in a place like that would be remote. A government hospital - where the milk of human kindness from medical staff curdled years ago - would be an entirely different prospect.
The whole ad just founders... and when that happens, your marketing message goes down with the ship. So an Onion to you for a bit of marketing malpractice.
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